Free 10000 Jokes

  What’s the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man? Iron Man stops the bad guy. Aluminum Man foils their plans. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. He said his summer was pretty good too. My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman. What do Keanu Reeves and baby Yoda have in common? They age at the same rate. Why did the Rolling Stones stop making music? Because they got to bottom of the hill. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.

  What did one snowman say to the other snowman? It smells like carrots over here! What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up! Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. Did you hear about the pirate who became a great chef? He mastered the seven sea-sonings. What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. What's an egg's favorite vacation spot? New Yolk City. What kind of candy do astronauts like? Mars bars. Did you hear about the spatula's hot new flame? It met the grill of its dreams. What did one cupcake say to the other? You ain't see muffin yet. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted. What did the mayonnaise say...

  How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk. Justice is a dish best served cold. Otherwise, it's just water. What do call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending. Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles. What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? Don't hate me because I'm a little cooler. Did you hear about the fragile myth? It was busted. I can always tell when someone is lying. I can tell when they're standing too. Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken. What did the dirt say to the rain? If you keep this up, my name will be mud! Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals. What's the coolest...

 What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion. Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t—it used the sidewalk. What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment. What is the most popular fish in the ocean? The starfish. What’s the difference between ducks and dine-and-dashers? Ducks take care of their bills. I found a lion in my closet the other day! When I asked what it was doing there, it said “Narnia business.” What's the difference in an alligator and a crocodile? You’ll see one later and one in a while. I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place. Why did the snail paint a giant S on his car? So when he drove by, people could say: “Look at that S car go!” What subject do cats like best in school? Hiss-tory. Why can't you make a dinosaur omelet? Because they're egg-stinct. How many goats does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but you...

  Clean Jokes for Kids Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they ever said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach!” What did 20 do when it was hungry? Twenty-eight. Why is grass so dangerous? Because it's full of blades! Why are mountains so funny? They’re hill areas. Why wasn’t the cactus invited to hang out with the mushrooms? He wasn’t a fungi. Why shouldn’t you fundraise for marathons? They just take the money and run. Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C! Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot. Why can’t you put two half-dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a  hole,  and your money will fall out! Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? It’s a little meteor. How much do rainbows weigh? Not much. They’re actually pretty light. A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica, $3.75 in Bermuda, and $3 in the Bahamas. Those are the pie-rates of the Caribbean. Why did the f...