Free 10000 Jokes

  • Why can’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant. • What type of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad! • How does the ocean say hi? It waves! • What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip. • What do you call an ant who fights crime? A vigilANTe! • Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw! • What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear. • I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case. • What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A bowl full of mice-cream. • What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? “Freeze. You’re under a vest.” • What social events do spiders love to attend? Webbings.  • What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it. • Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their butt quacks. • How does a vampire start a letter? “Tomb it may concern …” • How do you count cows? With a cowculator.

  • Why can’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant. • What type of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad! • How does the ocean say hi? It waves! • What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip. • What do you call an ant who fights crime? A vigilANTe! • Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw! • What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear. • I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case. • What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A bowl full of mice-cream. • What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? “Freeze. You’re under a vest.” • What social events do spiders love to attend? Webbings.  • What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it. • Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their butt quacks. • How does a vampire start a letter? “Tomb it may concern …” • How do you count cows? With a cowculator.

  • How do you throw a space party? You planet. • What’s Forest Gump’s password? 1Forest1. • How do poets say hello? Hey, haven’t we metaphor? • How does a rabbi make his coffee? Hebrews it. • Why did the M&M go to school? It wanted to be a Smartie. • I try not to tell dad jokes … But when I do, he thinks they’re funny. • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised. • I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer. • Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications. • RIP to boiling water. You will be mist. • What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad. • Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood. • The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21. • Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All the fans left. • I’d tell you a pizza joke … but it’s probably too cheesy. • My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my exis...

  • How do you throw a space party? You planet. • What’s Forest Gump’s password? 1Forest1. • How do poets say hello? Hey, haven’t we metaphor? • How does a rabbi make his coffee? Hebrews it. • Why did the M&M go to school? It wanted to be a Smartie. • I try not to tell dad jokes … But when I do, he thinks they’re funny. • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised. • I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer. • Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications. • RIP to boiling water. You will be mist. • What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad. • Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood. • The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21. • Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All the fans left. • I’d tell you a pizza joke … but it’s probably too cheesy. • My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my exis...

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Control Freak. Con… OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?” • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alice. Alice who? Alice fair in love and war. • Knock, knock! Who’s there? A pile-up. A pile-up who? Oh no, yuck! • Knock, knock!  Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo! • Knock knock! Who’s there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble! • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it’s not working! • Knock knock! Who’s there? Ken. Ken who? Ken I come in? • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Says. Says who? Says me! • Knock knock! Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome. • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel, that’s why I knocked! • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke through the peephole and find out. • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie thing you can do, I can do better! • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don’t open the door? • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Honey bee...

    Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. • Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?” • I invented a new word! “Plagiarism!” • Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage. • Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. • Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling. • Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom. • Where does the sheep get his hair cut? The baa-baa shop! • Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through. • Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. • How do trees get online? They just log on! • What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. • Why couldn’t the leopard play hide-and-seek? Because he was always spotted. • Why do bees have sticky hair? Becaus...

  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Control Freak. Con… OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?” • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alice. Alice who? Alice fair in love and war. • Knock, knock! Who’s there? A pile-up. A pile-up who? Oh no, yuck! • Knock, knock!  Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo! • Knock knock! Who’s there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble! • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it’s not working! • Knock knock! Who’s there? Ken. Ken who? Ken I come in? • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Says. Says who? Says me! • Knock knock! Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome. • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel, that’s why I knocked! • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke through the peephole and find out. • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie thing you can do, I can do better! • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don’t open the door? • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Honey bee...

    Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. • Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?” • I invented a new word! “Plagiarism!” • Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage. • Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. • Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling. • Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom. • Where does the sheep get his hair cut? The baa-baa shop! • Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through. • Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. • How do trees get online? They just log on! • What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. • Why couldn’t the leopard play hide-and-seek? Because he was always spotted. • Why do bees have sticky hair? Becaus...

  What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. • Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast. • Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.” • Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve. • A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.” • A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.” • Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. • Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory. • How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream. • What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck. • What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business! • How does ...

  What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. • Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast. • Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.” • Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve. • A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.” • A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.” • Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. • Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory. • How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream. • What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck. • What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business! • How does ...