Skip to main content

Ads by Google

Goofy Animal Jokes

 What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.

Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t—it used the sidewalk.

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.

  • What is the most popular fish in the ocean? The starfish.
  • What’s the difference between ducks and dine-and-dashers? Ducks take care of their bills.
  • I found a lion in my closet the other day! When I asked what it was doing there, it said “Narnia business.”
  • What's the difference in an alligator and a crocodile? You’ll see one later and one in a while.
  • I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
  • Why did the snail paint a giant S on his car? So when he drove by, people could say: “Look at that S car go!”
  • What subject do cats like best in school? Hiss-tory.
  • Why can't you make a dinosaur omelet? Because they're egg-stinct.
  • How many goats does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but you have to goat them into it.
  • Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It's just nuts.
  • When does a hippo have a tusk? After some rhino-plasty.
  • What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeee!
  • What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
  • What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.
  • How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
  • What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
  • How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.
  • Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
  • A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bar tender here?"
  • How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed.
  • What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
  • Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
  • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
  • What's black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
  • What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
  • How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
  • Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
  • What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

joke listing 9

A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday  tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric " Harry replies, "How about a chair?" Cannibal #1: "I can't stand my mother-in-law." Cannibal #2: "Why don't you just eat the vegetables?" A little boy gets a toy plane. The boy loves his  plane. He flies it all over the house. One day,  the boy is in the living room with his plane while his mom is in the kitchen washing dishes.  She listens to the boy playing and hears him say, "Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you mother fucking people want to get on, get on. All you  mother fucking people want to get off, get off. " Angry, his mom rushes into the living room, takes the plane away, and sends him into his room,. After 15 minutes, she starts to feel bad and tells the boy, "If you don't use that kind of language, you can pla...
Post a Comment
Read more

The laws of golf

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an ins...
Post a Comment
Read more