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Short jokes for adults

 What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

• Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?

Because every play has a cast.

• Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

• Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

• A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”

• A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.

The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

• Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

• Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

• How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

• What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

• What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business!

• How does Moses make tea?

He brews.

• Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

• How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.

• Why did the chicken go to the séance?

To get to the other side.

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