Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
34. Why can't you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he's always lion.
35. What did one wall say to the other?
"I'll meet you at the corner."
36. What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
37. What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blue berry!
38. Why are pirates called pirates?
They just ARRRR!
39. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
40. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
41. What do cows read the most?
Cattle-logs.
42. I lost an electron.
You really have to keep an ion them!
43. What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunder pants!
44. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
45. What did 0 say to 8?
"Nice belt."
46. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
47. What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
48. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
49. What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish!
50. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they are such fungis.
51. Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
Too many ears.
52. Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
53. What kind of cheese isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
54. What does a spy do when he is cold?
He goes undercover.
55. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
56. When do computers overheat?
When they need to vent.
57. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
58. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes.
59. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
60. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso.
61. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
62. What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
You mean a great dill to me.
63. Why didn't the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
64. Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
65. What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?
He has a meltdown.
66. What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
Stairs.
67. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crumby.
68. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
69. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
Swimming trunks.
70. What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired?
Oh snap.
71. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
72. Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants.
73. Where does the general put his armies?
In his sleevies.
74. What do you call a magician that looses his magic?
Ian.
75. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
76. What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
Namaste.
77. How do rabbits travel?
By hareplanes.
78. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
79. Why did the kid stock up on yeast?
He wanted to make some dough.
80. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
81. Why are elephants wrinkly?
Because you can’t iron them.
82. What did the cake say to the fork?
You want a piece of me?
83. How did the two cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
84. Why did the strawberry cry?
He found himself in a jam.
85. What’s black and white and read all over?
A newspaper!
86. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut!
87. What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?
58!
88. What did the nut say to the other nut in a game of tag?
Imma cashew!
89. Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
90. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
91. Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?
It’s a big waist of space.
92. What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
93. Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero!
94. How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the udder!
95. What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner is on me!
96. Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don’t know the words!
97. Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
They lactose.
98. What do you call a chicken that is staring at a lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
99. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
100. Which bear is the most condescending?
A pan-duh!
101. Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
102. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
103. How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Add spring water.
104. What job did the frog have at the hotel?
Bellhop.
105. What kind of car does an egg drive?
A yolkswagen.
106. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality!
107. Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
He was a little shellfish!
108. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally!
109. When does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
110. What does a baby computer call his father?
Data!
111. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk!
112. Why was the bee's hair always sticky?
He used a honeycomb.
113. What do you call phoney spaghetti?
An im-pasta.
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