Good

Gassy Granny

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An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"



The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."



The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."



The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."



Baseball in Heaven

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Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"



Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."



They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ."



Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"



"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.



Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"



"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."



"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.



Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven."



Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"



Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."