BLONDE PUZZLE
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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
REDNECK COLLEGE GRAD
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A redneck family's only son returns home from college. The father asks, "Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?"
The son says, "Pi R squared."
The father yells, "Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pies are round, cornbread are square."
REJECTION EDUCATION
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After an hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy finally approaches the hot girl at the end of the bar. "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"
Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
COLLEGE ROAST
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Q: How do you get a Maryland graduate off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q: Why did Clemson choose orange as a school color?
A: So that the football team could wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up garbage for the rest of the week.
Q: Why did O.J. Simpson go to Raliegh, NC in the Ford Bronco?
A: He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.
Q: What are the longest three years of a Duke player's life?
A: His freshman year.
Q: Why did Georgia Tech replace the grass in its football stadium with astroturf?
A: They didn't want the cheerleaders to graze at halftime.
Q: Why do Wake Forest cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off the uniforms.
Q: How many Duke freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because that's a sophomore course at Florida State and Virginia.
ROOM 88
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A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money to go to the whore house. His dad gives him 20 bucks and says, "Son, get it done. But one thing before you go, whatever you do, don't venture into Room 88." The kid agrees.
He gets to the whore house and says to the lady at the desk, "Hi, I would like to get a room."
She responds, "Sorry young man. The only room left is Room 88."
The kid, dripping with horniness, takes it despite his father's warning. When he gets up there, there is a hole in the wall. It says, "Insert cock here for pleasure." He walks over, sticks it in, and gets his cock sucked for an hour and a half and explodes inside the mystery mouth hidden behind the wall.
He gets home and tells his dad he had his dick sucked by a real pro in Room 88.
His dad turns deathly pale and cries, "Uh, oh. That was you?"
ROTTEN REGGIE
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There is this third grade class with this kid named Rotten Reggie in it. One day, the teacher decides that she will ask the class one question every Friday and the student who gets it right can stay home from school on Monday. The whole class thinks this is a great idea -- especially Reggie. On the first Friday, the teacher asks the kids how many buckets of sand are in the deserts of Egypt. No one knows and the kids are very pissed off. The next Friday, the teacher asks who was the first sailor to sail arround the world. No one knows again. Rotten Reggie is getting real pissed off now, so he goes home and spray paints two golf balls black. The next Friday right when the teacher says it is time for the question, Reggie rolls the two balls to the front of the room. The teacher picks the balls up.
"All right, who is the comedian with two black balls?"
"Eddie Murphy! See ya on Tuesday!"
COLLEGE DORM RULES
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On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
PreviousNext
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
REDNECK COLLEGE GRAD
PreviousNext
A redneck family's only son returns home from college. The father asks, "Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?"
The son says, "Pi R squared."
The father yells, "Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pies are round, cornbread are square."
REJECTION EDUCATION
PreviousNext
After an hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy finally approaches the hot girl at the end of the bar. "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"
Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
COLLEGE ROAST
PreviousNext
Q: How do you get a Maryland graduate off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q: Why did Clemson choose orange as a school color?
A: So that the football team could wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up garbage for the rest of the week.
Q: Why did O.J. Simpson go to Raliegh, NC in the Ford Bronco?
A: He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.
Q: What are the longest three years of a Duke player's life?
A: His freshman year.
Q: Why did Georgia Tech replace the grass in its football stadium with astroturf?
A: They didn't want the cheerleaders to graze at halftime.
Q: Why do Wake Forest cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off the uniforms.
Q: How many Duke freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because that's a sophomore course at Florida State and Virginia.
ROOM 88
PreviousNext
A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money to go to the whore house. His dad gives him 20 bucks and says, "Son, get it done. But one thing before you go, whatever you do, don't venture into Room 88." The kid agrees.
He gets to the whore house and says to the lady at the desk, "Hi, I would like to get a room."
She responds, "Sorry young man. The only room left is Room 88."
The kid, dripping with horniness, takes it despite his father's warning. When he gets up there, there is a hole in the wall. It says, "Insert cock here for pleasure." He walks over, sticks it in, and gets his cock sucked for an hour and a half and explodes inside the mystery mouth hidden behind the wall.
He gets home and tells his dad he had his dick sucked by a real pro in Room 88.
His dad turns deathly pale and cries, "Uh, oh. That was you?"
ROTTEN REGGIE
PreviousNext
There is this third grade class with this kid named Rotten Reggie in it. One day, the teacher decides that she will ask the class one question every Friday and the student who gets it right can stay home from school on Monday. The whole class thinks this is a great idea -- especially Reggie. On the first Friday, the teacher asks the kids how many buckets of sand are in the deserts of Egypt. No one knows and the kids are very pissed off. The next Friday, the teacher asks who was the first sailor to sail arround the world. No one knows again. Rotten Reggie is getting real pissed off now, so he goes home and spray paints two golf balls black. The next Friday right when the teacher says it is time for the question, Reggie rolls the two balls to the front of the room. The teacher picks the balls up.
"All right, who is the comedian with two black balls?"
"Eddie Murphy! See ya on Tuesday!"
COLLEGE DORM RULES
PreviousNext
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
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