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SEX CONTRACT

SEX CONTRACT
I, _______________________, hereby
surrender all possibilities of friendship,
commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and
near-pregnancies in exchange for one
 (1) night of USDA approved fondling
and fornication. I will not return to the
scene of said activities, nor call, write or
otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer
of contract for a time of no less than thirty (30)
 days and nights after said activities have been
 fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to propagate
 rumors, misnomers and dirty looks in the
cafeteria from myself and friends, and will
treat said co-signer with all the respect due
a stranger. I will say "hi" if we pass within
ten (10) meters in a friendly, if not neutral,
 tone. I will also upon completion of heretofore
 listed activities not leave underwear, earrings
or other insignificant yet oh-so-valuable
knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere
 in the co-signer's abode for the sole purpose
of returning to said abode and breaking the
no-contact agreement of this document. I
furthermore state that I am of sound mind
and desirable body, and will not call said
co-signer by any other name than is his or
 her own, nor reminisce on some former
slime-ball/great lover who wore the same
 cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe.
I will also pay one-half of all laundry fees
as needed after prescribed activity.
Signed,
_____________________________________
Fornicator At Large

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