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A man walks into a sports bar with his dog. A NASCAR Sprint Cup race is on a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt Jr. is doing. The bartender says "Dale Jr is in 35th, not doing so well". The man's dog jumps up, and runs around the barstool 35 times. A few laps later, the bartender says "Earnhardt is up to 15th!" The dog jumps up again and runs around the barstool 15 times. A couple laps later, the bartender excitedly says "Earnhardt is up to 2nd!" after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 2 more times... The bartender says "WOW!! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if Dale Jr. wins?" "I don't know", says the man, "I've only had him for 3 years!"

After a heavy night of drinking at the local bar, a drunk stumbles into a Catholic church and slowly makes his way into the confessional booth. There, the priest patiently awaits the man to begin his confession.



After a few minutes of silence, the priest politely taps on the window... nothing. The priest taps again and this time clears his throat a bit... still nothing. At this point the priest begins to lose his patience and bangs on the window.



Finally the dunk yells out... "Ain't no use knocking, there ain't no paper over here either!"

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