Skip to main content

Ads by Google

joke lists 34

Tickets





An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.



The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.



"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.



A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!



Last Added Jokes

Guts





The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant doesn't answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"



The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."



The Godfather says, "Well, ask him where the @



The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about."



The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where the @



The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"



The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?"



The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."



Category: Funny Jokes

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

joke listing 9

A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday  tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric " Harry replies, "How about a chair?" Cannibal #1: "I can't stand my mother-in-law." Cannibal #2: "Why don't you just eat the vegetables?" A little boy gets a toy plane. The boy loves his  plane. He flies it all over the house. One day,  the boy is in the living room with his plane while his mom is in the kitchen washing dishes.  She listens to the boy playing and hears him say, "Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you mother fucking people want to get on, get on. All you  mother fucking people want to get off, get off. " Angry, his mom rushes into the living room, takes the plane away, and sends him into his room,. After 15 minutes, she starts to feel bad and tells the boy, "If you don't use that kind of language, you can pla...
Post a Comment
Read more

The laws of golf

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an ins...
Post a Comment
Read more