Business: To Whom
A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."
"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.
The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."
"Great!" said the broker.
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"
The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."
Category: Funny Jokes
A blonde and shower
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: You don't have to turn a blonde on to get her wet.
Category: Blonde Jokes, Q&A Jokes
Overworked
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes and I am adding jokes to this website!
Category: Funny Jokes
Voice
A guy went home from work one night and heard a voice. The voice whispered to him: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man was disturbed about what he heard and ignored the voice. The next day when he got home from work, the same thing happened. The voice whispered to him: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again the man ignored the voice, though he was very troubled by the event. Every day, the man was tormented by the same voice when he came home from work: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man heard the voice he became increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbed to the pressure. He quit his job, sold his house, got together all his money and headed to Vegas. The moment the man got off the plane in Vegas, the voice told him, "Go to Harrah's."
So he hopped in a cab and rushed over to Harrah's. As soon as he set foot in the casino, the voice echoed, "Go to the roulette table." The man did as he was told. When he arrived at the roulette table, the voice firmly told him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously, the man cashed in his money for chips and then put them all on 17. The dealer wished the man good luck and spun the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball caromed. The man anxiously watched the ball as it slowly lost speed until finally it settled into number . . . 21. The voice said, "Dang it…"
Category: Funny Jokes
Porridge
It's a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge!" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams, "For Goodness sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven't made the porridge yet!"
A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."
"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.
The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."
"Great!" said the broker.
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"
The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."
Category: Funny Jokes
A blonde and shower
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: You don't have to turn a blonde on to get her wet.
Category: Blonde Jokes, Q&A Jokes
Overworked
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes and I am adding jokes to this website!
Category: Funny Jokes
Voice
A guy went home from work one night and heard a voice. The voice whispered to him: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man was disturbed about what he heard and ignored the voice. The next day when he got home from work, the same thing happened. The voice whispered to him: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again the man ignored the voice, though he was very troubled by the event. Every day, the man was tormented by the same voice when he came home from work: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man heard the voice he became increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbed to the pressure. He quit his job, sold his house, got together all his money and headed to Vegas. The moment the man got off the plane in Vegas, the voice told him, "Go to Harrah's."
So he hopped in a cab and rushed over to Harrah's. As soon as he set foot in the casino, the voice echoed, "Go to the roulette table." The man did as he was told. When he arrived at the roulette table, the voice firmly told him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously, the man cashed in his money for chips and then put them all on 17. The dealer wished the man good luck and spun the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball caromed. The man anxiously watched the ball as it slowly lost speed until finally it settled into number . . . 21. The voice said, "Dang it…"
Category: Funny Jokes
Porridge
It's a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge!" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams, "For Goodness sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven't made the porridge yet!"
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