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The bartender says "You can't have that thing in here! Get out!" The guy says "It's okay, this Alligator is highly trained. Just give me a few seconds and I'll show you." The bartender, intrigued, gives him the go-ahead. The man gingerly lifts the alligator up onto a table. By this point, everybody in the bar is gawking at this strange man and his pet. The man grins around the room. Having a new audience, he clears his throat and says "This is Allie the Amazing Alligator, and he is so well-trained that I can do this," He balls up his fist and gives the alligator a swift crack on the head. "OPEN!" He says. The alligator opens his mouth. Before the bartender can do anything, the man unzips his fly and whips it out. He gingerly places his penis in the front of the alligator's gaping maw. He wallops the alligator once more and says "CLOSE!" And the alligator ever-so-gently closes his terrifying jaws comfortably around his junk. One last time, he raps his head and says "OPEN!" He removes his unharmed manhood, and tucks it safely back into his pants. The crowd applauds, and he takes a bow. With all eyes still focused on him, he says "Now, any of you guys have the balls to do that, I'll buy you a drink and give you fifty dollars." Silence falls over the bar, and everyone looks around for someone who might be willing to take the bet. After a few endless, uncomfortable seconds, A little dude in the back slowly raises his hand and says "I'll do it, but you have to promise not to hit me so hard."

A man walks into a sports bar with his dog. A NASCAR Sprint Cup race is on a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt Jr. is doing. The bartender says "Dale Jr is in 35th, not doing so well". The man's dog jumps up, and runs around

the barstool 35 times.



A few laps later, the bartender says "Earnhardt is up to 15th!" The dog jumps up again and runs around the barstool 15 times. A couple laps later, the bartender excitedly says "Earnhardt is up to 2nd!" after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 2 more times...



The bartender says "WOW!! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if Dale Jr. wins?"



"I don't know", says the man, "I've only had him for 3 years!"

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