Joke List 20

A man escapes from prison where he has
 been for 15 years. He breaks into a house
 to look for money and guns, and finds a
young couple in bed. He orders the guy out
 of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the
 girl to the bed and he gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes
into the bathroom. While he's in there, the
 husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an
 escaped convict, look at his clothes! He
probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't
 seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed
 your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't
 complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him
 no matter how much he nauseates you. This
guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry,
 he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." His wife
 responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay,
 thought you were cute, and asked me if we had
any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
 Be strong honey. I love you, 

An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the
 first time, and in the center of the tomb there’s a
 lamp. He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt
 off of it, a genie comes out of the lamp and says,
 “I want to know the person you hate the most.”
The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife.
Why?” “I am a cursed genie. I will grant you three
 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will
 get double that amount.” “Okay, I wish for a billion
dollars.” “Granted, but you ex-wife gets two billion
 dollars.” “I wish for a mansion in California with a
swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything.”
“Granted, and your ex-wife gets two." "Now make
 your final wish.” The explorer walks around for a
few minutes, returns to the genie with a stick, and
 says, “You see this stick? I’d like you to beat me half
 to death.”

A husband, who has six children, begins to
 call his wife “mother of six” rather than by
 her first name. The wife, amused at first,
chuckles. A few years down the road, the
wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six,
" he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight?
 Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated.
 Finally, while attending a party with her
husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of
six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately
 shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic
crashed with no survivors. Each husband
cried for a week, but one husband continued
for more than two weeks. When asked he
replied miserably, "My wife missed the bus."