My girlfriend wanted us to get a Sleep
Number bed, so we went and checked it
out. Turns out her sleep number is 61,
and mine is $3500!
Number bed, so we went and checked it
out. Turns out her sleep number is 61,
and mine is $3500!
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged
from head to foot. The doctor comes in
and says, “Ah, I see you've regained consciousness
. Now, you probably won't remember,
but you were in a pile up on the freeway
. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again
and everything, but something happened
. I'm trying to break this gently, but the
fact is, your willy was chopped off in the
wreck, and we were unable to find it.” The
man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You've
got $9000 in insurance compensation coming
to you, and we have the technology now to
build you a new willy that will work as well as
your old one did, better in fact! But the thing
is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.”
the man perks up at this. “So,” the doctor says,
“it's for you to decide how many inches you want,
but it's something you'd better discuss with your
wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before
, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she
might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch
one before, and you decide only to invest in a five
incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it
's important that she plays a role in helping you
make the decision.” The man agrees to talk
with his wife. The doctor comes back the next
day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken
with your wife?” “I have,” says the man. “And
has she helped you in making the decision?”
asked the doctor. “She has,” says the man.
“And what is it?” asks the doctor. “We're
getting a new kitchen.”
from head to foot. The doctor comes in
and says, “Ah, I see you've regained consciousness
. Now, you probably won't remember,
but you were in a pile up on the freeway
. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again
and everything, but something happened
. I'm trying to break this gently, but the
fact is, your willy was chopped off in the
wreck, and we were unable to find it.” The
man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You've
got $9000 in insurance compensation coming
to you, and we have the technology now to
build you a new willy that will work as well as
your old one did, better in fact! But the thing
is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.”
the man perks up at this. “So,” the doctor says,
“it's for you to decide how many inches you want,
but it's something you'd better discuss with your
wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before
, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she
might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch
one before, and you decide only to invest in a five
incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it
's important that she plays a role in helping you
make the decision.” The man agrees to talk
with his wife. The doctor comes back the next
day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken
with your wife?” “I have,” says the man. “And
has she helped you in making the decision?”
asked the doctor. “She has,” says the man.
“And what is it?” asks the doctor. “We're
getting a new kitchen.”
Two women are discussing life in the
retirement village they live in with thei
r spouses and how they like it. One
woman tells the other that she misses
sex though to which the other replies
that her and her hubby still have sex
whenever she wants. The first woman
asks how and the second woman says
every so often when he's in the bathroom
getting ready for bed she gets naked and
lays on the bed holding her legs up in the
air so when he comes out he can't help but
have sex with her. The first woman decides
to try this a couple of weeks later. Her husband
is in the bathroom getting ready for bed so
she gets naked, lays down and struggles to
get one leg up and then the other as she's
holding them shakily. Her husband comes
out and exclaims, "Good Lord woman, put
in your teeth and brush your hair....you're
starting to look like an asshole!"
retirement village they live in with thei
r spouses and how they like it. One
woman tells the other that she misses
sex though to which the other replies
that her and her hubby still have sex
whenever she wants. The first woman
asks how and the second woman says
every so often when he's in the bathroom
getting ready for bed she gets naked and
lays on the bed holding her legs up in the
air so when he comes out he can't help but
have sex with her. The first woman decides
to try this a couple of weeks later. Her husband
is in the bathroom getting ready for bed so
she gets naked, lays down and struggles to
get one leg up and then the other as she's
holding them shakily. Her husband comes
out and exclaims, "Good Lord woman, put
in your teeth and brush your hair....you're
starting to look like an asshole!"
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