Joke List 31

When you are married, nobody asks
about your sex life. They know that
 you don't have one!

How many honest, intelligent, caring
 men in the world does it take to do
the dishes? Both of them.

A man found a genie in a magic lamp
and was granted three wishes. The
 genie said, "For every wish you make
, your wife gets two." The man asked
for a car and the genie gave his wife
two. Then the man asked for a house
and again his wife got double. The jealous
 husband said, "For my last wish, beat me
 half to death."

Getting married is like going to a
restaurant with friends. You order
what you want, then when you see
 what the other fellow has, you wish
you had ordered that instead.

A country wife came home just in time
to find her husband in bed with another
 woman. With superhuman strength,
of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed,
and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs
, out the back door, and into the barn. She put
his manhood in a vice, secured it tightly, and
 removed the handle. Next, she picked up an
old carpenter's saw. The banged up cheater
was terrified and hollered, "Stop! Stop! You're
 not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are
you?" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in
her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand
and said, "Nope. You are! I'm gonna burn
down the barn!