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joke listing 19

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."




There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and
 Fight. One day Fight went missing and his friend
s Mad and Brain started searching for him. Then 
Brain said, "Mad, let's file a missing person report
 with the police." When they were about to walk 
into the police station, Brain said, "Mad, you go 
and make the report. I will wait for you here." Mad
 said, "Okay." Mad walked in but no police officers 
paid attention to him. Then he saw a policeman 
drinking a cup of coffee. Mad went to the officer,
 smacked the table, and the cup of coffee flew in 
the air, landing in the officer's lap. Angry, the policeman
 asked, "Are you looking for a fight?" Mad replied, 
"Yes, I am." The policeman asked, "Are you mad?"
 Mad replied, "Yes, I am Mad." The policeman then
 asked, "Don't you have a brain?" Mad replied, "Brain is outside sir."



Q: Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building? 
A: He couldn't fit in the elevator


"Johnny, why did you kick your brother in the
 stomach?" exclaimed the angry mother. “It 
was pure accident, Mama. He turned around.”



Q: Did you hear about the guy who dreamed he 
was eating a giant marshmallow? 

A: When he woke up, his pillow was gone.



A mom and a son come home from the grocery
 store. The boy immediately empties out a box
 of animal crackers and the mom asks him why.

The boy says, "You should not eat it if the seal is 
broken, so I'm looking for the seal."



There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
Thommy53
What do cars eat on their toast? Traffic jam.
Anonymous
Q: How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A: Buy a deck of cards.
TheLaughFactory
Wise man say, "Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger."
NoOne

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