Joke List 29

A young couple is on their honeymoon. The husband is sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?" Meanwhile, the wife is sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?" The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've got a confession to make." She says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."

A man is standing at a grave, staring at the
head stone. A second man walks up and
asks, "Is this someone you knew?" The first
 guy says, "Yes, it was my wife." The second
guy says, "It must be hard to lose a wife."
The first guys replies, "Yep, damn near impossible.

A man and woman are sitting on their porch
 drinking a beer. The man says, "I love you.
The woman says, "Is that you talking or
the beer talking?" The man says, "That's
me talking to the beer!"

A husband and wife decide they need to
spice up their sex life. The wife buys a pair
 of crotchless underwear, puts them on,
and goes into the bedroom. She seductively
asks her husband, "Hey Big Boy, do ya want
some of this?" The husband takes one look
at her underwear and replies, "Hell no! Look
 what that thing does to underwear!"

A woman awakes during the night to find
that her husband is not in their bed. She
 puts on her robe and goes downstairs to
 look for him. She finds him sitting at the
kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front
of him. He appears deep in thought, just
staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes
 a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee
. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers
as she steps into the room. "Why are you
down here at this time of night?" The husband
 looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 17?
" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched, thinking
 her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do
," she replies. The husband pauses. The words
are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
 your father caught us in the backseat of my car?"
 "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself
into a chair beside him. The husband continues,
"Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in
my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter
, or I will send you to jail for 20 years!" "I remember
 that too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear
from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today